IT’S BEEN EIGHT LONG YEARS

I remember how you told me I should trust you for a year It would just be for a year But it’s eight years, Albert! Eight long years, Albert! – Charles Strouse Bye Bye Birdie   Peter, you left this world eight years ago this coming August.  There is not a day that goes by, […]

INVOLUNTARY MEMORIES

“It’s Déjà vu all over again.” – Yogi Berra   Involuntary memories occur during the grieving process when you are faced with grief triggers that unconsciously bring up recollections of the past.  They are called IAMS for involuntary aware memories or involuntary autobiographical memories. Marcel Proust was the first person to use the term involuntary […]

THE WORRIED WELL

The “worried well” has a pejorative connotation. It is being used to describe a bunch of patients who are perceived by some as using health care inappropriately, when more deserving patients should be given priority. Patients who are considered the “worried well,” are more often anxious about their health and the state of the world. […]

YES “AND” VERSUS YES “BUT”

When my husband Peter died, I was surrounded by love and support from both family and friends. My friends encouraged me to move through my grief and cheered me on as I progressed through the pain. Occasionally there were a few who would say “yes, but you could be going faster.” Ouch! Here I was […]

I WISH YOU ENOUGH…

The meaning of “enough” can be unique for everybody. For some it is the bare minimum and for others it can be a great deal. The literal meaning of the word enough is “occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations.” Enough can satisfy people in different ways. […]

OMICRON ANXIETY

Covid cases are rising. We are so sick of the anxiety that is infecting our lives. We are into the third year of the pandemic and, with each newscast, we feel a little less safe. Omicron is a real concern which generates even more anxiety. We are so sick of the pandemic. Been here done […]

A LITTLE BIT OF WALLOW GOES A LONG WAY

“There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud.” – Carl Sandburg Grieving is not wallowing. Wallowing is defined as: “an unrestrained indulgence; as something that actually creates a pleasurable sensation.” If you have ever grieved the loss of a […]

GRIEF OVERLOAD AKA CUMULATIVE GRIEF

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Victor Frankl The pandemic has put us all into a state of “grief overload.”  Not only are we experiencing the deaths of friends, but […]

BUSTING THE MYTHS OF GRIEF

I am fed up with grief myths – those false expectations and misjudgments that make your grief recovery even harder. I have compiled a list of the top fifteen grief myths that I am exposing.  I would love to hear from you about what grief myths bother you.   Myth: Grief and mourning are the […]

NOSTALGIA: YEARNING AND LONGING

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” ― Edna St. Vincent Millay   When my husband Peter died six years ago yesterday, the longing for him was so intense that […]

YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL!

When my husband Peter died six years ago, I grieved with my heart and soul for my aching loss.  I was in intense grief and I knew I had to stay there for a long, long time until I could power myself out of the pain.  What pissed me off more than anything was the […]

SHE WHO IS NEVER NOT BROKEN

The title of this blog is indeed a double negative.  The significance of this phrase is worthy of a grammatical error.  It refers to a little-known goddess from Hindu mythology, called Akhilandeshvari.  “Ishvar” is derived from the Sanskrit word meaning female power, or goddess. “Akhilanda,” essentially means “never not broken,” or “the always broken goddess.” […]

GRIEVING THE LOSS OF 2020

2020, despite its symmetrical sound, has been the worst, the pits, the nadir, the lowest…etc.  You get the picture.  I can’t wait for 2021, and that is said from someone of advanced years who doesn’t want the clock to move one little bit, except when it is 5:00 and I can imbibe!  I thought that […]

THE PERMA MODEL: DEALING WITH GRIEF

The world is in collective grief with a virus causing us fear and the loss of physical freedom to move about.  We grieve for the life we knew before COVID.  We grieve for the lack of touch and companionship.  We grieve for a world without fear.  We grieve for not having family at Thanksgiving this […]

COVID INSOMNIA

Fear + anxiety = emotional unrest, which leads immediately to insomnia. The global pandemic has made restful sleep an uphill battle. I find myself lying in bed, creating scenarios that send me into an eddy of agitated wakefulness. The more I try to relax, the more I spiral into a vortex of apprehension. Even though […]

WRITING MY WAY THROUGH THE PANDEMIC

As a widow, I know the power of the written word.  I know that when I feel sad and alone, if I go to my computer, I can write my way through the pain.  Maybe it is just knowing that writing it down, makes the fears, anxiety, and loneliness dissipate marginally.  Writing is therapeutic and […]

MY FUZZY BRAIN IN QUARANTINE

As I quarantine in this unfathomable pandemic, I have come to rely more on Amazon Alexa.  She wakes me up; she tells me the temperature outside; she plays me podcasts like my favorite Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, and she plays music for me so I don’t have to listen to the news 24/7.  Alexa […]

ANTICIPATORY GRIEF IN THE TIME OF COVID-19

Anticipatory grief in the time of a global pandemic is focused on the sudden loss of security.  Anticipatory grief is that gut feeling we get about what the future holds, when uncertainty reigns.  We are grieving in anticipation of the loss we expect will happen.  We are circling the center of grief before the loss […]

LONELINESS IN THE TIME OF CORONAVIRUS

Loneliness is one of the hardest aspects of being a widow.  As a suddenly single individual, we feel isolated and saddened at our new status of being solo.  We feel completely and utterly bereft of the loss of the partnership we shared, and are weirdly shocked at the realization that we are no longer a […]

FINDING MEANING AFTER LOSS

“Grief doesn’t change you. It reveals you.”  –  John Green   I recently devoured an amazing book about grief called FINDING MEANING: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler, the co-author of the ground-breaking book by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross ON GRIEF AND GRIEVING.  I was blown away by Kessler’s take on how meaning helps us […]

THE COLOR OF GRIEF

After my husband Peter died almost five years ago, I no longer saw the world in color.  I saw only shades of gray, as if I was in an old-fashioned black-and-white movie.  Color and more importantly, the richness of color, was displaced by a dull vision of gray gloominess.  My life was drained of all […]

DON’T LET YOUR LOSS DEFINE YOU

When my husband Peter died over four years ago, I was cloaked in a shroud of grief.  Grief surely defined me in every aspect of my life.  I was “the widow Grad.”  I submissively carried this heavy moniker wherever I went.  In the grocery store, I would start crying and blurt out “my husband died.”  […]

GRIEF ARITHMETIC

It boggles my mind that my husband Peter died over four years ago.  On one hand it seems like it happened just yesterday.  On the other hand, it seems like it was a lifetime ago.  My grief calculations are important to me.  I need to identify dates.  I need to see my life in computations […]

IT’S SO NICE TO HAVE A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Yo3v3h2g0Y sung by the fabulous Eartha Kitt  Since I moved into my new condo, I have been roaming around the house quite contentedly.  But the other day, out of the blue, I started humming the old song It’s So Nice to Have a Man Around the House, written by Harold Spina and Jack Elliott.  Yes, […]

TRIVIALIZING POSITIVITY

“When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.” Lewis Carroll Alice in Wonderland After my husband died four years ago, I realized that my ringtone from Spamalot, “Always Look at the Bright Side of Life,” had to be changed.  Ya think?  I could not find brightness in […]

SURRENDER TO GRIEF

“At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.” – Heather Hepler  When grief hits, all control flies out the window.  When my husband died suddenly in my arms, I was tossed into an ocean of grief with swells so high, I couldn’t […]

LIVE PODCAST LISA BIRNBACH: FIVE THINGS THAT MAKE LIFE BETTER

Here is my link to my podcast with my friend Lisa Birnbach http://lisabirnbach.com/news/2019/7/18/episode-54-with-laurie-burrows-grad-lisa-birnbachs-five-things-that-make-life-better-on-july-19-2019   Please feel free to contact me via my website: www.lauriegrad.com If you would like to sign up for my blogs follow this link: http://lauriegrad.com/newsletter-signup/ And if you would like to buy my new book: https://www.amazon.com/Jokes-Over-You-Come-Back/dp/1981137866/      

LIVE PODCAST WITH LA RADIO

Here is a link to my recent Live LA Radio Podcast with the fabulous Jamie Bronstein Olson. https://www.latalkradio.com/sites/default/files/Videos/Lovetalk-071519_0.mp4   Please feel free to contact me via my website: www.lauriegrad.com If you would like to sign up for my blogs follow this link: http://lauriegrad.com/newsletter-signup/ And if you would like to buy my new book: https://www.amazon.com/Jokes-Over-You-Come-Back/dp/1981137866/   […]

WHAT DO WE WANT? PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!

“Patience is a virtue” is a saying that doesn’t gibe with our society that demands instant gratification.  Today we expect our packages to be delivered the same day; we insist that our Postmates order arrive within 30 minutes; and we are addicted to cooking in an Instapot which produces results in half the amount of […]

YOU DON’T GET OVER GRIEF

“Time does not bring relief; you all have lied.” Edna St. Vincent Millay  I will never get over my grief. When my husband Peter and I used to take long car trips with my son, Nick would always say: “are we there yet? Are we close?  This is taking too long!”  Grief is not a […]

TILL DEATH DO US PART

When my husband Peter suddenly died from a heart attack four years ago, the finality of death smacked me in the head.  What happened to the famous line “we lived happily ever after?”  The unexpectedness and shock of the trauma made me reel with so many feelings that I couldn’t find my equilibrium for years.  […]

THE HIERARCHY OF GRIEF

“Don’t compare yourself to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.” – Regina Brett “My grief is worse than your grief” sounds like a kindergarten playground retort.  Is it possible that we have set up a competition about grief?  Can it be that there is a hierarchy that rates pain on […]

CLEARLY NOT CLEAR: Better Than Pre-TSA?

A friend told me about a new airport screening service called CLEAR, which is purported to be so easy that it makes PRE-TSA look like lining up for Black Friday.  The cost is $179 per year which includes family members.  All you need to do is sign up on line and then have your fingerprints, […]

HE WAS MY NORTH, MY SOUTH, MY EAST AND WEST

The words of W. H. Auden’s Funeral Blues “he was my North, my South, my East and West” both devastate and elevate me merging into one single emotion.  Peter was my world, my globe, my compass, and my GPS all in one.  Since he died, I have learned to find my way hour-by-hour, minute-by minute, […]

ONE LAST KISS

It has been three and a half years since my husband Peter suddenly died. The thing I miss most about my loss, is not being able to kiss him good morning, kiss him hello when he walked in the door, and most of all, not being able to kiss him goodnight.  Peter and I were […]

HOPE IN GRIEF

After my husband Peter died over three years ago, living seemed insurmountable.  I could barely rise from my bed each day and function, with the heavy weight of the loss intensely crushing my spirit.  I wanted to be a child again and curl up in a ball, sucking my thumb for comfort, without any responsibilities […]

YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN

Thomas Wolfe’s book, You Can’t Go Home Again, is something I see clearly with my recent move.  I downsized from a house to a condo and am adrift in finding my new home.   Physically I am wandering around this sunny place, but mentally I am looking to go home to the dwelling I shared with […]

I MISS HIS TOUCH

Maybe it is the fact that I have recently moved from the home Peter and I lived in for so many years, or the awareness of my own vulnerability, but I am experiencing more feelings of loss than usual.  I know that dealing with house deeds, movers, and finances can elicit high levels of anxiety. […]

A FAMILY WEDDING ALONE

When my adored, amazing niece Ellie got engaged this year I was overjoyed.  Peter had known her fantastic boyfriend Simon, who is a kind and handsome dude, and picture perfect for my niece.  They are yin and yang to each other, and I reveled in the fact that they too would have an epic love […]

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

It has been over three years since Peter died, and I have learned to be OK while rambling around in my big house.  I sleep on one side of the bed and since I don’t thrash around at night, bed-making is a cinch, particularly when I toss the duvet right on top of any wrinkles […]

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as any manner of thy friends or of thine own were; any […]

GRIEF AND THE HEDONIC TREADMILL

The “Hedonic Treadmill” is a term coined in 1971, by two psychologists named Brickman and Campbell, who espoused the theory that a person’s level of happiness remains at a set point throughout their lifetime, despite achievements and setbacks. They posited that as a person makes more money through a job, or even a windfall such […]

THANATOPHOBIA AND THE FEAR OF LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE

Thanatophobia is an anxiety triggered by constant thoughts of either one’s own death, or a loved one’s demise.  When I was a child, I was left alone a great deal of the time, and I can remember having overwhelming feelings about my death that flowed through me in undulating waves.  The emotions were often overpowering, […]

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MY RADIO SHOW ON THE WOMEN’S EYE

TWE Radio: Author Laurie Burrows Grad On Grief, Widowhood and Recovering from Loss If you would like to sign up for my blogs follow this link: http://lauriegrad.com/newsletter-signup/ My book about grief THE JOKE’S OVER, YOU CAN COME BACK NOW: How This Widow Plowed Through Grief and Survived is finally up on Amazon. It has been […]

BEATING A DEAD HORSE, OR AT LEAST THE WORD DEAD

People are afraid to use the word “dead.”  They refer to death instead as passed away; gone to other pastures; departed; resting in peace; in a better place; and other silly euphemisms and secret code words for finality.  Perhaps people are superstitious, and too scared something awful will befall them if they use the word […]

CONTINUING BONDS: No, Not Municipal Bonds!

Grief is still a four-letter word in my vocabulary, and one that often rhymes with muck, but I have learned to use grief in a positive way to plow forward on my journey towards a modicum of restoration in my life. I have learned that there is no “normal” way to grieve. Grievers are like […]

RECALIBRATING YOUR GRIEF: My Grieving Toolbox

When I first became a widow, I was stuck in the wilderness of grief.  All the old pathways were destroyed, the signposts were gone, the bridges to happiness had collapsed, and all the roads were dead-ends to nowhere.  I had to re-draw the maps and recalibrate my guide to restoration. Recalibration is not an easy […]

BUILDING STRENGTH AND RESILIENCE IN GRIEF

Resilience is not a protective shield that we put up to prevent us from pain. Resilience allows us to feel the pain, the anger, and the angst, and move through these emotions to get to the other side of grief. Resilience is about marshaling all our resources to find the energy and stamina to make […]

GRIEVE AND GROW OR GRIEVE AND GO

“Good grief” is a term that I associate with the Peanuts characters, specifically Charlie Brown with his hands above his head yelling through the caption on top of his head!  Good grief is an oxymoron.  How can grief be a good thing?  I researched how this dichotomy of phrase came to be and found that […]

THE PHOENIX RISING FROM THE ASHES OF GRIEF

“As the legend goes, when the Phoenix resurrects from the flames, she is even more beautiful than before.” ― Danielle LaPorte As early as 500 B.C., legends decreed that the ancient mythical creature, the phoenix, a legendary bird, would live for 500 years.  Near the end of its life, the phoenix would build a funeral […]

YOU’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK

There is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. – Winnie the Pooh Finding strength in grief is no easy task. You are aware that this is probably the worst thing that will befall you, but somehow you find the strength to […]

THE DUALITY OF A GRIEVING HEART

“There is no such word as ‘loved.’ Love has no past tense. If you ever stop loving someone, then you never truly loved them in the first place.” – unknown Duality is defined as the circumstance or condition of being dual. It is an instance of opposition or contrast between two concepts. It is the […]

A GLIMMER OF HOPE

“There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”- William Shakespeare After the two-year mark of Peter’s death, I was hit with a profound sadness that I couldn’t overcome.  The first year was spent just “getting through” the pain. The second year was struggling to absorb reality and its heartbreaking ramifications. But in […]

IMPERMANENCE IN GRIEF

“Nothing endures but change” Heraclitus Everything is predisposed to change.  Every aspect of our lives goes through transformation.  Nothing is everlasting.  All physical and emotional concepts and relationships grow, change, fade, and eventually die. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, […]

CINDERELLA LOOKING FOR PRINCE CHARMING?

Once upon a time there was a pretty-good looking princess named Laurie who serendipitously met her handsome prince charming named Peter.  She swooned at his kindness, sense of humor, love of all things edible, excluding veggies, and gorgeous head of hair.  He fell in love with her blond tresses even with the peroxide applications, her […]

ALL YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT GRIEF

I recently passed the two-year marker date of Peter’s death, and looked back at my blogs which reflect my roller-coaster-of-a-journey through grief.  My writing chronicles the ups and downs (unfortunately more downs that ups), and the slow healing process towards my new life of plausible acceptability.  Grief is a long and arduous process. Grief is […]

DON’T WORRY BABY. Living in the Present with Grief

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” -Benjamin Franklin Worry is defined as “giving way to anxiety or unease.” Worry is allowing one’s mind to dwell on difficulties and misfortunes. It is the state of fretting, stressing out, stewing over something, and tormenting oneself. Simply put, it […]

A SIGH IS NOT A SIGH

“You must remember this A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply As time goes by.” Herman Hupfeld from the movie Casablanca I was always a sigher.  I sighed in frustration when I had a glitch with my computer.  I sighed happily when I saw love scenes […]

THE COMFORTING ARMS OF A SUPPORT GROUP

When Peter died, almost two years ago, I openly welcomed all the help I could get.  I went to a grief therapist and learned tools for coping with the daily onslaught of bottomless and relentless pain.  I learned to find solace in the support of my friends and family, and accepted their cradling arms and […]

THE POWER OF THE KEYBOARD

“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” ― Anne Frank   Our Western values are not culturally equipped for grief.  Death is such a taboo that we call it the “D-word,” the way we used to refer to cancer as the “C-word.”  By tagging grief as a […]

FLYING SOLO

Every time my husband, Peter and I traveled together, we would settle into our seats on the airplane.  As the plane took off, he would lace my much smaller fingers cozily into his sizable digits.  As the plane climbed upward, we would grip each other’s hand, sometimes tighter than blood flow allowed, especially if the […]

WTF IS THE NEW NORMAL?

We think of the word “normal” as conforming to a standard or pattern.  Normal is what is expected; SOP (standard operating procedure). “The New Normal” is defined as “a previously unfamiliar or atypical situation that has become standard, usual, or expected.” Once you have experienced the profound loss of a loved one, you are forever […]

EMPATHY VS. SYMPATHY

“If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” ― David Sedaris The terms empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, but they have quite different meanings, and varied and veiled connotations. The differences between the terms are attributed to emotional factors, rather than grammar.  Both empathy and sympathy […]

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GRIEF IS A SLOW AND STEADY MARATHON

When you experience grief, you know you are in the throes of it for the long haul.  This is not a short sprint.  This is a marathon, and like any marathon, you must build up your endurance.  You will never fully get over your grief, but hopefully, you will be able to complete your journey […]

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A WIDOW!

When you are in the depths of grief, you wallow for a while, then you nurture yourself, and then you move forward. But every once in a while, you just have to vent and get that hurricane of pent-up anger to the surface and out! From time to time, you just have to be honest […]

WABI SABI: The Art of Embracing Imperfection

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” ― Brené Brown There is a Japanese philosophy called wabi sabi, which values simplicity and authenticity. Wabi sabi is an acceptance of the old, of the worn, of the asymmetrical. It is a rejection of the lavish, opulent, and excessive. It is […]

EXIT LAUGHING: Comic Relief

“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.” — Fred Allen It is a given that laughter is the best medicine. When we laugh, we feel a spark of happiness. Not only do we feel better in our guffawing, but research has shown that laughter strengthens our immune […]

Self-Compassion: The Key to Getting Through Grief

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ― Louise L. Hay Grief is the process of acceptance. Acceptance happens when we let go of expectations. Expectations lead to resentment, which keeps us stuck in self-criticism. Self-criticism keeps us mired in the pain […]

Loneliness Vs. Solitude: Bearing The Silence Mindfully

“The Cure for loneliness is solitude” — Marianne Moore Many wrongly assume that solitude and loneliness are the same state of being. Both are characterized by solitariness, but the resemblance ends there. Loneliness in grief, is a form of isolation where one feels that something is missing. Loneliness is not a choice. When my husband Peter died, […]

SHIFTING THE ASSUMPTIVE WORLD VIEW “Never assume because when you assume it makes an ASS out of U and ME.” Felix Unger in Neil Simon’s The Odd Couple

In my last blog, I talked about the “Optimism Bias,” which is the belief that each of us is more likely to experience positive outcomes, and less likely to have negative ones transpire. In order to get us through life, we live in an assumptive world, where our assumptions or beliefs that ground and secure […]

Dear Grief: My Grief Better Have A Purpose!

Dear Grief, it’s Laurie here. As per your guidance, my current mantra is: “I am responsible for my own process.” I know I can’t rush this undertaking, as is my wont in so many things. Every day I have to exercise my grief muscles in a heavy workout. It’s like lifting twenty pound weights. I […]

LIMINALITY: The Threshold Betwixt and Between

The word liminality, is derived from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold. According to dictionary.com: “liminality is the transitional period or phase of a rite of passage, during which the participant lacks social status or rank, remains anonymous, shows obedience and humility, and follows prescribed forms of conduct, dress, etc.” I can identify with liminality […]

The Art Of Now: Living In The Present

Before Peter died I was the planner in the family. I scheduled dinners with couples, I gave parties, and I planned trips. The trips were elaborately arranged down to the minute. We toured museums, visited friends in the East, and were constantly on the go when we traveled. I reveled in planning. I enjoyed mapping […]

SOUL FOOD: THE SMELLS OF GRIEF

Peter was a fresser, a Yiddish term for someone who loves to eat! Our lives joyously revolved around food. In the morning Peter would say, “what’s for dinner?” If it was fish, the corners of his mouth would instantly go south. If it was steak, his face would erupt into a huge grin. Once Peter […]

How To Go On After Your Soulmate Dies

“He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began.” — Leo Tolstoy The term “soulmate” dates all the way back to Plato. It is a generic word for a close loved one. But the phrase soulmate itself was first recorded in […]

THE COURAGE OF MY CONVICTIONS

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” — Nelson Mandela I cannot believe that this is the 50th blog I have written on The Huffington Post! A year and four […]

THE COLOR OF SADNESS: FEELING BLUE?

I’ve always wondered why people use the term “feeling blue” when they are sad. The color that clouded my horizons after Peter died was most certainly gray, not blue. I felt I was in a bad British mystery movie, in the midst of a gray, hazy, dense fog and I couldn’t find my way through […]

TOUCHING GRIEF: The Healing Language of Touch

Touch is the first sense to develop in human infants. A newborn’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being depend on a mother’s tender touch. Doctor’s insist on the baby being placed on the mother so it can sense the heartbeat. The mother cradles her infant surrounding them with the touch of her arms. Touch is nourishment […]

SPRING CLEANING FRIENDSHIPS: I Know That I Cannot Change The People Around Me, But I Also Know That I Can Change The People I Choose To Be Around!

When Peter died my friends were truly amazing. I have blogged over and over about their kindnesses. I am eminently grateful that my pals not only rallied, but didn’t abandon me when the going got tough. When you lose the love of your life, you become another entity. You are 180 degrees different from the […]

The Letter I Wrote To My Lost Love

My path to restoration is paved with family, friendships, and the healing power of my grief group. In the safety of my group space, we get each other’s pain on a level that is forged by our devastating loss. We are bonded in yearning and lamentation on a deep level that is both distressing but […]

How Grief Became My New Vocation

I am a food writer by trade. I shaped my culinary career path in my mid-20s. During and after college I had been working as a model in Manhattan doing live shows, photography, and catalogue work, but was totally unfulfilled. After a four-year college education, I knew that I needed to use my brain, not […]

The Search For Meaning – Logotherapy

I recently discovered the teachings of Victor Frankl, a trained psychiatrist and neurologist, who spent three years in four Nazi concentration camps, an experience that helped him develop Logotherapy. Logotherapy is a term derived from the words “logos,” a Greek word that translates as “meaning,” and therapy, which is defined as treatment of a condition, illness, […]

The Ultimate Survival Guide For New Widows

Sorry widowers, this one’s for the ladies. When Peter died, I had to face the practical aspects of living alone. I had to change light bulbs, hang pictures and open jars by myself. So I devised a list of key items for widows to keep on hand to make their lives easier. 1. A secure step ladder: A […]

The One Word That Gives This Widow Some Comfort

On a recent trip to New York, I was fortunate to meet with Dr. Katherine Shear, Marion E. Kenworthy Professor of Psychiatry at the Columbia University School of Social Work. Dr. Shear works with those affected by complicated grief, which is defined by the Complicated Grief Center as: “something getting in the way of adapting […]

The Things You Shouldn’t Say To Someone Who’s Grieving

When my husband Peter died last August, I suffered the greatest ordeal imaginable. I had a deep and intense loss, but I definitely didn’t “lose” him. I, myself, am guilty of using the term “lose” on multiple occasions. I repeatedly said: “I recently lost my husband” to friends, accountants, tax people and even telemarketers. One […]

The Stress That Comes With Losing A Spouse

Stress is a constant in most of our busy lives. We are stressed about work, family, money, Donald Trump … Everything in our lives comes with a degree of stress. In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe studied the medical records of 5,000 patients as a way to figure out how stressful events impact […]

A Letter To My Dearly Departed Husband Peter

My first blog went up on Huffington Post this morning. The outpouring of emotion is heartening and heartbreaking at the same time. The sadness hits again with a vengeance and I see you staring at me with those wonderful understanding eyes, so proud of everything I do. But where were you for the edits? Where […]